Freedom, and other reflections

When I first got it into my head that I had to change my lifestyle, I was anxiously sitting at a desk working as a Case Clerk for a top law firm in San Francisco.  While in college this was what I aspired to:  A career in the top area of my field, Law.  Then slowly the novelty and prestige of being around powerful people and huge sums of money wore down, leaving only the remnants of what turned out to be the reality that this career only served to impress my family.  I realized I had never wanted this, I had only wanted to accomplish what they had expected of me.  I felt such intense pressure to fit into a mold of a successful and conventional member of society.  I had never been that person, and it was a hard pill to swallow, but no matter how much they wanted it, I just could never be.  If I were not living my life as I wanted, I would only continue to be miserable and aimless.


The transition to moving into a rural and challenging place like Wyoming occurred very slowly.  One day I thought I'd like to start riding horses again.  I began riding once a week, and spent increasing amounts of time outdoors and among animals.  A horse is a powerful animal and symbol for me; the rider must learn to understand and adapt their behavior to it, one must be reliant upon and capable of meeting the challenges that the animal demands of you.  I have found living in Wyoming to be similar in it's requirements and benefits;  there is a feeling out here that "This is Wyoming, you can do what you want," it's not meant to sound arrogant, but only to illustrate that there is so much space, so much wildness and freedom, so many physical challenges (this morning I woke to a fallen tree from the epic storm that hit last night, I have to chainsaw and haul it away), you can exist out here as a part of your society or out on your own, living out of a rucksack for the summer someplace out on the BLM, where no one will cross your path...you can do this!  


This isn't the only way to live.  But knowing how I felt in the past, and how I feel right now, only reaffirms that I am right where I need to be. 






ps.  Happy Independence Day